Lessons Aren't Healthy
by Y2Jen
Summary: When someone ends up getting sick, Bulma's answer for the cure is a long winded lecture which bores the hell out of Trunks and Vegeta. An old one shot I wrote for a school assignment, R&R PLEASE! Enjoy and don't learn anything.


**A/N:** _This was originally done years back as a health assignment in my social studies class senior year of high school, I got a B+ and found this file on my computer and so I decided to put it up. It was when I was working on my DBZ chronicles about Joey who is Bulma and Yamcha's son, Yamcha is dead and now he is living with Bulma and her new family (with Vegeta) at Capsule Corp. Long story short, he got sick at the end of the first saga and I wrote this lil assignment setting at that time, just a funny one shot no biggie, enjoy and I hope you don't learn anything, seriously._

"No!" Came the raspy hoarse voice.

"Now come on Joey, don't be such a baby."

"I said, no!"

"You're nothing but a coward."

"Shut up Trunks." Joey hissed back but began to cough.

"Now Joey, this is mommy here." Bulma smiled patiently with her eldest child. "I'm not a freaky witch doctor that will hurt you."

"I don't care!" Joey pouted and turned his back to them.

"Scaredy Puar." Trunks snickered.

"Hey I find that offensive." Puar growled.

"Sorry." Trunks shrugged and turned back to his half brother. "I mean scaredy cat."Thatcausing Joey to meow sarcastically over his shoulder.

"Open up for mommy."

"I'm not a little kid." Joey growled through his teeth.

"Look kido, do you want me to get in there myself?" Vegeta threatened with a clenched fist, standing off in the backcorner a bit annoyed yet slightly amused at the stubborn teenage boy he was training.

"You heard me the first time when I said no."

"You could be very sick son, now please." Bulma frowned slightly.

"How many times must I say no? I'm a grown man, must I say itin different languages?"

"That's not necessary, but I'm proud that you know how to speak in other languages." Bulma closed her eyes and smiled as she got an idea. "Say how about I teach you a lesson."

"What!" Joey gulped, getting defensive taking it as a threat.

"No, in health!" Bulma stood up with a finger. Joey blinked and wore a drop of sweat, slightly confused. "Maybe you're afraid because you don't know anything about your body."

"Huh?" Joey muttered nervously, he wasn't about ready to go back to school.

Bulma stood tall and closed her eyes proudly, "Professor Bulma is in the house! Now, most diseases are caused by a bacterium called streptococcus pyogene, which causes more types of disease than any bacterium." The three boys wore blank stares, Trunks had been home schooled so he knew the worst of what to expect. "One of which is what I expect you have, strep throat or pharyngitis, because of it occurring in the pharynx. It's a primary bacterial infection."

"Uh, mom?" Joey raised his hand slightly as if this was a school and they were in a classroom lecture.

"Strep throat is contracted by inhaling small droplets in the air or by consuming contaminated raw milk."

"Joey." Trunks muttered, elbowing him in the ribs.

"Come on, I didn't know it was expired."

"It said it on the carton!"

"Oh yeah like you believe everything you read?" Joey shrugged stupidly with arrogance.

"Which is probably why you did bad in high school..."

Joey ignoredTrunks and finished his statement, "They aren't always right!"

"It's an airborne transmission spread by droplets of saliva or nasal secretions."

"So don't cough or sneeze your spit on me you punk, you hear that?" Vegeta snorted and Joey made a mocking face in his direction.

"Strep throat is a general upper respiratory track infection that can even infect the body as a whole, or a systemic infection." Bulma opened her eyes with a smile as she snapped on a rubber glove with her hand, holding a pointer something like what's used in a power point presentation.

"Uh…" Joey watched as she stood next to him and opened his mouth, pointing into his throat like he was a specimen modeled on display. "Ah!" He cried in shock.

"The symptoms of strep throat are a severe sore throat, a high fever and white patches on a dark red throat." She shut his mouth and popped in a thermometer so he wouldn't talk. "Strep throat is the most common but most mild illness caused by streptococcus. The disease is generally limited to the throat and doesn't affect any other part of the body." She pulled out the thermometer and shook it. "Oh this fever is not a good sign…"

"Look mom I can get better on my own, I always do!" Joey began to protest. "You don't know me!"

"But if the streptococcus strain can produce erythrogenic toxin, scarlet fever can ensue, and this toxin can lead to a fatal septic shock. Now you pay attention here to the tricky part. A person with an extremely strong immune system response, to strep throat, can lead to rheumatic fever, which consists of a high fever, swollen joints and may end up causing hearing damage.

"But my immune system is…"

Bulma cut Joey off in her rant, "Though it's rarely seen in the US today, unlike in the 20th century, it's a leading cause of heart disease worldwide. Like what happened to your father when he had a heart attack." She gave Joey a quick glance, causing him to blink. "Sore throat's are very common and while not every one could be a case of strep throat, but if persistent and accompanied by a high fever, it should be taken into careful consideration." Bulma pulled out a small flashlight and shone it in Joey's face, causing him to squint slightly, like if he was in an interrogation, "Consult a physician, they will examine your throat and see if testing is necessary. Testing for a strep throat infection may be uncomfortable but is very simple. Now follow my instructions Joey."

"Okay…" Joey nodded with a pale face from this random and confusion lecture.

"A standard mouth open wide, tongue out, and say ah, procedure." Bulma looked at Joey who sighed and opened his mouth wide, stuck out his tongue and said 'ah' at the command. Bulma tipped his head back slightly ad entered his large gaping mouth. "Wow, you poor thing, your tonsils are so swelled your throat must be very sore. Generally, a person can't open their mouth as wide, as, well Joey here can. So you can use a flat tool called a tongue depressor to, well, press down on his tongue like so." She stuck the stick down on the back of his stretched out tongue so she could see further down his sore red throat, but it caused him to gag from the swelling. "A culture of the throat is taken by using a long q-tip to scrape the infected area of the throat." Bulma stuck a long q-tip down Joey's throat, scraping along the walls and up by his swollen uvula, causing him to cough painfully. "Which creates an irritable tickle and makes you want to cough or gag. Sorry." She finished by rubbing it on both his tonsils for good measure and then took her hands out of his throat and put the sample in a small tray in a fridge, "Quite a throat son, you get that from your father." Bulma's reference to Yamcha's throat made Vegeta moan with adgitation and roll his eyes. "The sample is then set into a petri dish and sets refrigerated over night, the next day you can tell the result." She shut it. "If positive, you have strep throat, if negative, it's just a general bad sore throat that will go away by itself over time. So I guess we won't know until tomorrow son, but I'm pretty sure that's what you've got here."

"Uh. Are we done yet?" Joey clenched his sore throat tightly, that's one of the reasons why he hated doctors.

Bulma pulled out a small bottle and placed it in his hand, "Antibiotics are given for positive cases and soon the fever and sore throat will go away, and thusly you have recovered from your strep throat infection."

"Mom?" Joey began again.

"Viral infections sometimes lead to secondary bacterial infections, such as strep throat. Antibiotics are successful to treating most bacterial infections, such as strep throat, while they have no effect on viruses." Bulma turned and opened one eye. "Yes Joey?"

"Are you finished now?"

"No."

"Huh? But why not!" Joey whined.

"Didn't you hear me in my lecture? I still have to examine you! Now open wide and say 'ah' mister!" She stuck the large popsicle stick in his face as ifto threaten him.

"Uh…! But didn't you just…" Joey was very confused now, he held his head. "Oh I don't feel so good…" He put a hand on the table behind him to keep himself sitting up.

"Oh your fever." She put a thermometer in his mouth to check his temperature, then took it out and studied it. "It's rising, this can't be good."

"And my throat is killing me." Joey gripped his neck tightly and coughed.

"Your tonsils must still be very swollen. I hope you don't have tonsillitis after all…"

"What?" Joey looked up, not paying attention.

Bulma gasped, "Hearing damage! Oh no! And what did I say this was caused by?"

Trunks raised his hand slightly, "Rheumatic fever…?"

"Yes that's right! You paid attention, oh!" Bulma beamed happily overjoyed. "And you get a gold star for the day, have a lolly pop." She handed him a sucker.

"Oh, thanks." Trunks blinked, Joey frowned jealously, he wanted one too.

"See, somebody was paying attention…. Joey!" Bulma leered at him.

"What?" Joey gave a confused look in defense.

"Oh that's it, I'm getting outa here before the woman goes into a long winded and unnecessarily detailed description of giving a tonsillectomy." Vegeta sighed bored and turned to go out the door.

"Now, back to where I was here,when your tonsils are swollen and you have to get them removed…" Vegeta froze upon hearing Bulma's words.

"God dad, go, go, GOO!" Trunks shoved him quickly and forcefully out the door and they were able to escape safely down the hall… too bad the same can't be said for poor Joey, who ended up passed out on the floor half way through the lecture.

"What, I didn't even get to the actual operation yet…" Bulma blinked confused, then shrugged.


End file.
